A lot has been going around on character development, a bunch of scorned exes feels like their former partner turned sour on them abruptly at some point. And they didn’t see that change in their behavior coming. It caught them off-guard.
That makes one wonder, who told you to trust so easily? Someone’s personality is so encoded in them and it just doesn’t change suddenly like a chameleon. It doesn’t happen like that.
You were probably blind to some of the red flags they gave out in the early stages of the relationships. Just think about it, did he ever yell at a cat or a dog and told you it’s nothing? That is something not to ignore, he is nasty to animals, and human beings are animals.
Did he ever flake and never gave a solid reason for that flakiness? He might be a closet narcissist just about to show his true colors when done with you.
Your personality Settles at a certain age or so I hear.
Yes, at a certain age, what you have is what you will for the rest of your life. And I am not talking about money, and I am not talking about friends. I am talking about characters, our basic personality traits don’t change much.
You can learn communication skills, develop your charisma, learn to speak up, and modify behaviors here and there but believe you me, if someone is a philanderer or have a morbid sense of fun, or are a sociopath, that is just who they are.
Don’t think you can change someone with kindness or goodwill, people are more complicated like that. Some characters are genetically encoded inside people, they didn’t even adopt them while growing up, it is just in them. My cousins tell me I haven’t changed a bit since childhood. Of course, I have changed in some ways. Relatives think they know you when your neighbors might even know you better.
What you have to do is screen thoroughly for bad habits. There are things people do or say subconsciously that lets you on their behavior no matter how much they try to hide it. Everyone who ever said jokingly to me that they can steal something tried to steal from me. Everyone who ever said to me they don’t care about things or people, turned out not to care about the effects of the things they do on others. However, my radar is usually on, I don’t ignore these things people say as a joke.
If someone has ever used people, find out by listening keenly to them.
Deep Dive that Prospect
I am a creative writer and one thing I have learned from other writers is to listen carefully and probe a client further on their product and let them explain what is it and how it shall solve a problem in society. This is usually better than going on mad research about a product you may have no idea about.
What the client wants is usually right there with them, it will just come out unexpectedly if you allow them to speak without interruption or without judging.
What people want from you can come out if you just listen carefully, it will come out unconsciously at some point especially if you delay giving it to them. It is the reason it is good to slow things sometime with a new person, if they are two-timers or scammers, they shall get frustrated and blurt out whatever they want.
You can even do something as simple as delaying answering their text message and see if they will keep their cool or lose their shit and go nuts over a delayed text.
What you shall realize about users is that they hide what they want? If someone wants something genuine from you, they won’t have a reason to hide it. They will just ask you for whatever they want. There is nothing wrong with having an agenda but if someone has a hidden agenda, then that is a problem.
If they are scared to tell you what they want from you, it is probably a wrong thing to ask, and they know it is off to ask it or they are cowardly. Both of which are things I don’t like personally.
In a society that is morally corrupted, good character in people is rare to come by and you got to watch out a little for the bad apples.
At the same time, people are not that bad, they might just be acting out of their self-interest. Don’t be paranoid to the point where you fight off even good people who might have been a valuable addition to your circle because you are scared of character development. Don’t become a character yourself.
The media tend to exaggerate things, which is one thing to be aware in this era of character development. These stories of character development are stuff you hear from social media. And people can post anything there.
Everybody says how their side of the story is the one that is good and right. Few people will admit they are also to be blamed for whatever happened in a relationship, they will say how the other party messed up and changed on them and they are the good one. Don’t buy that yet.