When she says “It’s not a Date”

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When she says “It’s not a Date”

Well, sometimes you think you are on a date with a girl but she doesn’t consider it a date. When you mention you are on a date, she asks “it’s a date?” Which means she didn’t view it like that, people see things differently damn. Well, it happens from time to time. You can be here thinking you are on a date when she objects that no, it is not a date. It is a good thing to happen. When it is not a date to her, it means there is no pressure in it. You guys can just chill and kick it back like old buddies.

Another way she can bring it up is by saying “I usually don’t dress like this when I am going for a serious date”. In other words, what she is having with you is not a serious date. And the clearest sign that she is not on a date with you is when she asks if you will pay or she can just pay. Men, you are not on boyfriend kind of date with such a gal.

I have had girls ask me “can we split the bill?” or “do you have money, I want to order fries for sh. 100?”. Well, if she has to say these things she doesn’t see much monetary value in you. She is just hanging out with you as a potential lover or maybe a friend. But as I said in the beginning, it is a very good thing to happen. You won’t have to pay for a lot. Besides, such dates are usually cheap, to begin with.

So, what is it then if it is not a date?

It is something else. It is a different type of date. There are many types of dates according to dating coaches…there is a quick date where you just hang out over lunch and go back to work. There is a dinner date where you plan for a meet in the evening or have a cookout. And then there is this date which is not a date or rather is not considered a date.

I am sure you are still asking what is it then? It is called a ‘no date’. You didn’t even need this date. In fact, I don’t know why you are on this date. If she never saw you like a guy to go on a date with all you had to do was just invite her home you cook lunch and watch Netflix. You guys cannot date.

She doesn’t even want you to pay the bill so which kind of a date is that? In this Nairobi when a woman offers to pay for the date or decide to chip in without you even asking it is not a date. When a girl likes you that much you can take shortcuts, when you find yourself in such situations all you have to do is start moving things to the next level.

What if she thought you are a friend and you are here thinking you are on a date? Well, just keep the interaction neutral. You were on an imaginary date all along. The same way you can think you are friends with someone but they see you like just an associate, someone they know. You can also think you are dating someone but they see it differently. They feel like you are just two people who happen to be hooking up.

Sometimes you can be overestimating the value you bring to someone’s life. Or you can be giving someone something they don’t value. You can think you are so important to them but in their eyes, you are just one of those guys they have around them. It is okay, it is not always good being so important to someone to the point that they now treasure you and want to own you. 

I think it is very good not to hold so much power over people. I never understand people who want to be presidents and kings. What do you want to do with all that power? It is the same as when you are a husband to a woman or a boyfriend. It is a big responsibility when you decide to be a leader of people or be the man of the house. Do you want to be a leader? I want to delegate some leadership responsibilities.

It is good when you have few duties as possible. That girl who doesn’t care about dating you has just made work easier for you. Don’t start fighting the frame she has set. You will find some guy objecting to that. Don’t start insisting that you are on a date when she has said that No, it is not a date when we hang out together.

A woman can be going out with you for different reasons, maybe no other guy is serious and you are. You might not be her first choice if she doesn’t consider meeting you as a date. It is very good when she usually doesn’t go to dates with guys like you. I see nothing wrong with it. It is not a lack of integrity for her to go out with a guy she can’t date. It is just part of the game.

There is very little integrity in dating. You can even be married to someone you don’t love. People do it all the time and have it work out. As long as a partner is fulfilling the basic emotional needs that you need from a partner, we can ignore the love part. You don’t have to be in love for a relationship to work out. Actually, people have given up on love in this generation. Don’t come here looking for love (August).

And so next time you are on a date and she says it is not a date, just smile and raise your eyebrows like a puppy and say “sure, dates can be boring at times, it is good that we are just chilling out without the pressure of a date…so what are you up to after this? You like starfish…I got some at home”. Okay, you don’t have to say that but I hope you get the gist.

I’m out of here!

Slade Jeff
Slade Jeff
I am a zen, I love this life plus a lot of wine..I will keep your days filled with interesting content. I am also pro-brands, I tell stories about them at a fair price, let me put in a good word for you. Ghostwriting services are also available (articles, copy for online, TV and Radio Ads). Previously done work is available for proof. WhatsApp me on +254712911633 for business.

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