We have been raised to help the needy but that doesn’t translate to dating. I believe in contributing to charity if it is a good cause, you can contribute to orphanages, medical help funds etc.
However, many people loathe street beggars who have two hands and the strength to work. It is embarrassing. And you look like a beggar when you become needy in dating.
Many people don’t know they are acting needy in dating because they are not yet attuned to the nuances of social interactions. So I shall elaborate on what comes across as needy behaviors in dating.
Calling or Texting too Much Without Getting a Reply is Neediness
Your hands are full of calls and text messages. You can call once or twice a day and that is it.
If you are not getting a reply maybe your texts are not good enough to evoke a reply or the other person is just busy. They may be swamped with lots of work.
Texts or calls should be just for planning a meet-up or a date. It is not the way to bond. If you just met a chic, it is okay to be exchanging a few texts here and there regularly, you can flirt a little bit with the intention of setting up a proper date.
Your texts should have end goals, not just the regular chatting. You are not planning to be her text buddy.
Many high-quality people with valuable time are not just sitting by the phone waiting for a text from that guy or that chic they just met.
This is something you also note when you are short on time and with a lot of important things to take care of, you will take even 5 hours to reply to messages. Sometimes even 10 hours.
Neediness is about giving too much investment early on without getting anything back. What has that girl done to you for all the attention? You just met for God’s sake.
Attention is currency, and you don’t just give too much of it to women if they don’t work for it.
If she wants your attention, let her come out in person on a proper date and she will have all your attention and eye contact, and the good conversation you offer.
You are Spending too much Money Without Getting Anything Back.
Some men are good at using money to get girls. They would throw a couple of dollars or shillings here and there and with no time, the woman will be on their arms smiling sheepishly. And unless you are one of those guys who does conspicuous consumption, be careful with using money to get women.
You have to be very rich to play the money game. These girls will leave you broke.
If you are using money in form of paying for Uber, paying for dates, and sending cash through mobile money to women you just met and still not even getting anything back, you are not being a decent human, you are slowly getting yourself broke.
You will be shocked at the level of entitlement some women have, they are used to being given stuff for free by men and they can even be irritated if you demand something back for your time or money.
You are Spending too Much Time on one Girl
Are you blind to the other options around you? How long you should spend on a particular woman before you call it off depends on a variety of circumstances but if you met a woman, and you live in the same city and it has taken more than two months without anything happening between you two, trust me nothing is likely to happen.
Nothing is going to change unless you are very good at playing the slow game.
I am not being pessimistic here, you can still talk to her but reduce the level of contact to let’s say once in two months. She hasn’t given you so much to be constantly talking to her for two months without a hookup. No one is that busy to go for two months without meeting up, especially if you just live in the same town.
Women like attention remember and you don’t want to be giving lots of it to dim prospects. And I am talking about girls you want to date or hook up with here not friends or business partners.
For female friends and business partners, you can be talking to them a lot. Even you as a man shouldn’t be talking a lot to girls who want to date you and taking things from them if you don’t plan to give anything back. Women do it because they like the social support that comes with it, they will talk a lot to you and get favors from you even if they don’t want to date you. I advise you not to do it to girls you don’t want who wants you in return. It will lead to animosity at some point. They will auto-reject.
Time is a scarce resource and you don’t have a lot of it on this rock to spend it on uninterested women. A woman talking to you endlessly does not mean she is interested. Do you want to know if she is interested? Ask her out and see if she complies, that will screen out the time-wasters and leave you with girls who are genuinely interested in doing something intimate with you.
You are Complimenting her too Much
You are drooling and almost sounding desperate. Unless you are a wickedly sexy and charming man, too many compliments and showing a high level of interest is just neediness. You are not in control of things if her beauty has got you singing praises from here to the end of the world.
Women like men who can control their emotions, not boys who are lost in the sight of a woman. Well, her body parts might be looking great but learn to contain yourself and give genuine compliments not only talking about her boobies and thighs.
You are not showing a woman that she is beautiful when you over compliment, you are showing her you don’t get women like that. When you are chasing too hard by over complimenting and spending too much talking to her and she ain’t investing anything back, you are being a simp. A wuss.
“She’s holding on, she ain’t giving to the needy, huh”. Kanye.
You are Begging/Nagging to Meet up
Why are you doing that? You will have to ask women out and you will do it confidently not by begging and pleading.
You also won’t like a woman pleading to get things from you, and thus you won’t do the same. Pleading and nagging have a lot of bad emotions tied to them, it is not rejuvenating and refreshing to get those things from someone.
Don’t act like you have no options because no woman likes a man no other woman wants. Even if you are a beginner in the mating game, still be careful with showing too much interest, match her level of interest.
What if you are reading all these and you have been doing this for a while now? Well just wake up and realize that it is not working. Just stop sending those texts and endless calls and pull back for a while. Go meet other new girls and start afresh, some of the girls you are texting right now might come back to reengage you. Ask them out.
If you are too emotionally invested and you can’t stop talking to some girl who is not shagging you, and she is not a valuable friend, delete her number. It is not healthy for your mind.
“Don’t chase them, replace them”. Notorious BIG.
No one wants a needy friend, relative, or acquaintance and certainly, no one wants a needy lover. It is still the biggest attraction killer.
The biggest attraction killer is not bad fashion or hygiene or height or lack of money. It is just that, neediness.
When the attraction is already there, the one sure thing that will kill it is neediness.
Have a great weekend ahead!
Call me Slade.