Pick up the tab don’t look cheap and tip the waiter on top of it bro. No woman will shag nor respect a man who doesn’t pay for the date. This is what you will hear from most men or the mainstream media. Going Dutch is seen as mean or cheap in the dating world or the third world. It is a no-no for some girls.
Whether to pay for a date fully or to pay half is not an easy decision for the average man in the dating world. That’s because the way the average man approaches dating is the opposite of what an uber seducer, a debonair man looks at dating and paying for things.
First of all, not every gal will come out on a date with you because they want to move things forward with you. Some want free drinks, free food, or just your attention. This is the group that will despise you like a leper for splitting the bill. You are making them invest in an interaction they could care less about.
Now we have another group of gals whom you shouldn’t make split the bill. The students, unemployed gals, and gals seven years younger than you. They look at you differently and making them pay for things is a bit unfair even. They simply don’t have money. Most of the time they are not working. If it is a student taking another student out, they would rather just go for a cup of tea that costs sh 100, less than a dollar, and call it a date.
Finding the right balance between paying or not paying for a date
Let me give you a little history, I am turning 32 in a week or two. I have been on countless dates of all sorts;
- House dates
- Restaurant dates
- Club dates
- An evening stroll date where you pay nothing
- A video call date
- A kiosk by the roadside date
The best dates I have had out of all these were the simplest dates you could ever imagine like the house dates or kiosk dates. We both didn’t care what we were saying and we were just chilling and talking recklessly. The dates were low-pressured and allowed us to be vulnerable. I had trouble getting to know gals via the restaurant dates. When I went to a posh place or a nice club for a date it felt like a formal meeting that didn’t allow us to deep dive each on a personal level.
That’s why the more important question is what type of date are you going to have. If it is a simple date like a cup of tea that costs less than a dollar, it won’t even matter whether you pay or not. It is so irrelevant. If it is a cookout, all you need are the ingredients and a bottle of wine. You will never fail with these types of dates 99 percent of the time. They are sure things.
If you suggest a simple date like tea or coffee or ice cream or a juice or a milkshake or a hot chocolate in a simple place and the girl turns it down and instead suggests something posh like a high-end restaurant or a club date, I suggest you just ignore it. Gals who claim to only hang out in high-end places will give you problems with their expensive taste in life and dry pockets. If she wants a dinner date, tell her in advance that you will go Dutch or tease her that she will pick up the tab. If she is not comfortable with that, drop it, and don’t date on her terms. It is you the man who plans the date.
If she calls you for a drink at a local club and it doesn’t inconvenience you, you can go. It is not a big deal. If she asks you to pay for her Uber to the date location and the location is not your house, turn it down. Even if you are stinking rich, don’t do these things in the early stages of courtship when you are not yet intimate. Don’t be the early boyfriend. Gals who don’t have bus fare or Uber money to get them to the date location are a big problem. If you are driving and she doesn’t stay far, maybe you can pick up her, that is okay with me.
If you are driving things should be simple, you can grab a takeaway or a can of liquor and drink in the car and call it a date, it doesn’t have to be something extraordinary.
What to do when the bill arrives on a date.
Well, don’t panic.
If this gal;
Has been compliant with you all along, she was super sweet on the date and everything has been progressing smoothly and you will be heading home after the date, then just pay the date. It doesn’t hurt the vibe whether you pay or not.
If the gal has been very stubborn, is surly, has an attitude, and is acting like she is doing you a favour by going out with you, split the bill. If she refuses to pay and leaves, it is okay, good riddance. If she pays and later complains about it, still no loss. don’t reward bad behaviours, it will only encourage it.
If the gal is unemployed, a student, or just a friend you are hanging out with or is way younger than you, just pay.
In all these just remember to keep the date way affordable. Good girls will ask you if they can order something if you are the one paying. They will ask you if it is okay and within your budget. They are not demanding. It is just proper etiquette.
You can also have an arrangement where you pay for the food, and she can pay for the drinks.
If it is a second date or third date and she paid in full last time you were together, you can pay this time. I have had a date where I had a glass of wine with a gal and paid for the first round, she wanted a second round and she willingly paid for it. You can easily go to bed with these gals who are willingly investing in a date. Just close them!
Gals are different and hold different views when it comes to money and paying for things.
Sometimes when a bill arrives, I have had gals who ask me if they can chip in on the bill. I have had gals who asked me if we can split the bill and of course, I have had gals who say I should just pay since I am the one who invited them. I have also had gals tell me that since I am the one who invited them, I should pay half and they will also pay half. You can see the irony there, whereas other girls feel that if you invite them to something you must own it and pay everything, others feel you should split the bill if you made the invitation. One is an emotional way of seeing things, the other is a practical way.
The funny thing is that the gals I went on cheap simple dates with were hotter and smarter than the ones I went on expensive dates with. The hot, cool gals don’t need a big production most of the time. It is the plain Janes with heavy makeup that posture and front to look like a big deal.
Above all, I want you to be careful with the precedent you set early in a relationship or during courtship, if you’ve never asked a gal to pay for anything and you get into a relationship with her and you ask her to chip in on something in future, don’t be shocked if she turns it down and act surprised. You are the one who had been investing all along in the relationship and you seem like the one who is more in love. You will have problems turning the tables with such a frame already set.
Another thing I have seen among African men is that we strongly believe it is the man who pays for everything, Africa is religious more than the free world and biblically we are told it is the men who provide for everything. We therefore feel like we should pay for dates and everything else. It is not a good advice for a relationship. Some men would pay for a date even after the girl has offered to pay out of her own volition because they want to be seen as ‘men’, they think it insults their manliness. Don’t be such a man, if she wants to pay let her pay, if she has money and you want her to chip in on something, ask her to do it. Lovers treat each other as equals.
gals are very flexible when they are into a guy, she will ask you out or push for the date herself and even offer to pay if she wants to go out with you. Many gals become super compliant when they are into a man.
Let me also remind you young men starting to date that women get offered a lot of things by men, money, food, trips and all acts of spoiling are at their disposal most of the time. The average gal on the street has hordes of orbiters who can give her $100 to buy something with if she doesn’t have any dime on her. Thus buying food and drinks for gals doesn’t make you stand out as such. Don’t think for a second she will remember you for that. Most importantly don’t expect her to go to bed with you because you spoiled her on a date, it is an entitlement. In the same way, it is an entitlement for her to expect gifts and food from you just because you said hello and asked her out.
Follow the guidelines above or on this link and you shall be okay. Stay safe.
Nice Week ahead, Slade!