I had written about women approaching men in the past when the blog was still new; however, I was listening to a podcast about guys wanting women to approach them, and in the podcasts, the dating coach answered that the women who approach you are not usually the ones you want and thus it will be good for you to get used to doing the hunting. I googled it, and I came across an interesting Reddit thread of guys and women commenting on the females’ approach, and I found some of the responses quite interesting. I knew what to expect when I googled it because I have been on both sides of the equation, approaching the women side, and having women approach me part.
The first interesting thing to come up was that it depends on your culture or wherever you grew up. Women are bold in some cultures, and they see nothing wrong with approaching men. However, even when approaching men in those cultures, women still are ambiguous in how they express their interest in males.
I once had a neighbour who told me he had a girlfriend who just came up to him and asked for his number and that’s how they started dating. However, in 99 percent of cases where females approach a guy, it is usually by giving hints. And all the women who said they approach in that thread kept saying what we all know “they give signs and hints that they want a guy”. What they describe as approaching a guy is not what I could say is an approach; it is not a cold approach. It is just the usual female behaviours that they do when they don’t know what to do with a guy. She can sigh around you, to her that is an approach. She can say hello to you as she passes, to a lady that’s her shot. She will never approach you directly even if you look like Hercules, the Greek god himself, so don’t be weird.
I still don’t understand why men would want women to approach them; is it not obvious that they are bad at it. Women are not genetically wired for some things like approaching, you as a man leads and she follows. Her work is just to encourage you and give hints that she likes what you are saying or doing by following along. As long as a lady complies with your requests, she is chasing, that’s all the approach you will need. That’s the most direct a woman can be, there is no other way she will be forward.
It is only a transgender female who can be that direct in approach because genetically, they are still men who later changed to ‘females’. In fact, when a woman is too direct and aggressive with you as a man in the initial stages of courtship, it is considered a little bit of a red flag. However, there are a few women, let’s say one percent of the female population that can approach men.
Every time a woman approached me, I didn’t even pick up on it, I tend to be a little dumb socially or rather clueless, and men are indeed clueless. Later on, when reflecting on my interactions, I realize that it was an approach; by then, it is usually too late, so I try to stay attuned when I am around females to see if they are signalling they want to approach or interested in being approached. And for those guys who want to be approached by females, here are the signs you are being “approached”. I think you get approached a lot but you won’t tell because, as I said, men can be darn clueless.
- She is playing with her hair around you.
- She looks at you then quickly looks away.
- She hovers around you like a lost puppy.
- She makes a face at you.
- She gives a big sigh like she is tired; boy you just took her breath away
- She looks at you like a child looking at a burger or a new toy.
- She waves at you and smiles as she passes.
- She texts a “heyy”, or she calls to say nothing.
- She gives you a nickname if you are in the same social circle.
- She calls you by your two names, it is one thing for a woman to call you Brian, but if she refers to you as Brian Morgan, that is too precise.
- She shows you the middle finger. You must be an asshole she likes if she does that.
- She starts saying weird things around you or about you. Women hate being direct, I swear. She would rather insult you than say she is interested.
- She wears your hat or blazer.
- She forces her number on you. It happens if you are a stud.
You see those things, some of them are rather “insulting” to the average man, but to a socially savvy man who knows females, he can recognize there is some meaning to them. When you got some of that, don’t dismiss the girl as crazy, she is not yet nuts like a street hustler, she is just a little crazy about you. I surely wouldn’t want to get some of them, and that’s why I would rather approach than be approached in many instances, but hey, that’s women for you.
The guy who posted that Reddit question is a 21-year-old virgin who wondered why women never approached him. He thinks he might be unattractive. First of all, he is asking the wrong question, but you can’t call out a male virgin for being a novice in the birds’ ways. A virgin should be concerned about how to talk to women, generally not even being approached.
The answers are solid if you check out the thread, it is interesting seeing how other people think, but it is nothing new. What guys tell him is in the line of “yes, women approach men but not how a virgin would expect”. And I can add that if you wait to be approached, you might wait for a long time, and life is short, be a proactive and just approach.
Some of the answers are also quite funny like “women can’t take rejections or risk looking desperate, so they would rather not approach”, well this sounds like a red pill guy’s answer. Although there is a little truth in it, a rejection is quite huge for a woman, so she won’t just put herself out there for potential reputation damage. A woman being rejected might mean her few eggs have been declined, and thus she won’t reproduce. It is that serious.
Men have millions of sperms and thus no matter how many times they get rejected, they can continue approaching. These sperms will be healthy even at 70, so a brother got time and lots of chances to take, rejection is nothing to him. It is different for females, their eggs are few, and their time is limited.
Another funny response there is “You forgot the part where a woman’s version of approaching a man is I smiled at him”. Just confirming what I said earlier and what came up in that thread too that women and men are different and to think they do things as we do is just naïve.