Controversy is good for the news and click baits, but not just for a date, more so the first date. It is not the time to open your heart to controversial issues. Don’t buy that mainstream media advice that it is good to open up more. Yes, you will open up more with time, for now, stick to normal stories; your childhood, your job and aspirations, your talents, and a little bit about your siblings (your relationship with yourself and those close to you). And that’s for women.
As for men, avoid talking about yourself, don’t overshare. The date is about the woman, not you. You let the woman talk about those things I just mentioned. And never let her get deep into these things I am just about to list. These are hot topics that make the news, they are not for a date. And hot topics can be different from time to time but these will always be controversial topics for quite some time.
If any of these topics happen to come up, you can intelligently steer clear of them without making a big deal.
I am majorly talking to the men here because they are the one who plans for the date and controls it towards the right direction (which should be the bedroom) in 99 percent of the time.
- Your Ex-boyfriend or Girlfriend
You are oversharing when you start talking about them too soon.
And why are you doing that?
If your date presses you on your past dating life as a man, all you can say is “ I was in a relationship not long ago but now I have moved on. I am here with you, that’s all that matters”.
If she wants to know what happened, all you can say is that life happened, it does to the best of us. And then at this point, you can throw back the conversation to her.
I won’t advise anyone to introduce their ex to their current lover, not on the first date and not even while dating. I see people doing it, your current partner is familiar with your ex and they are even in communication. So many wrong things can happen in that situation. But hey, it depends on your ex, maybe they are happy for you.
If tribe and race are hot topics in your country, just stay off it. Leave such controversial topics to comedians and bloggers, they can make all the tribal and racial jokes and get away with it. Nobody takes those guys seriously. However, you have no business talking about tribe or race.
In Kenya when someone asks you what your second name is, they are probably asking about your tribe indirectly. This is very true in a social context. You just don’t ask someone what’s their other name unless it is an official setting.
The moment a lady insists on knowing my tribe, I lose interest. She might be tribalistic.
There is nothing wrong with races or tribes though, you can just tell your date what your tribe is and see their reaction. However, some of us are mixed of many tribes.
If you hold radical views about your gender or the opposite gender, just cut it off. There is no need for all that toxicity in a dating environment.
These views enforced in your mind by feminists if you are a lady or by red pill guys if you are a man are very counterproductive in dating.
I doubt if feminists date and I know red pill guys, Men going their own way guys (MGTOW) and blue pills guys struggle with women.
Allow men to be men and let women do womanly things, just learn to accommodate the opposite sex in communication and try to achieve a good ending with them.
I have had girls tell me “I waited for you for more than 5 minutes, a lady shouldn’t wait for that long”. And this is a girl who was late by an hour probably. I chuckle at such sentiments.
What do you do in such a scenario? You can ask her “who said that you can’t wait for someone for more than 5 minutes”, and you will hear crickets.
I know you’ve had a difficult life or you’ve been in rough relationships but this is not the time for such. It is the first date for God’s sake.
You scare men off when you talk about these things. And if you are a man, this is not the time to open up and be vulnerable, or rather this is not how you show byronic flaws.
This also goes for weaknesses, don’t show your weaknesses to women, there is nothing attractive about doing that.
I am a lazy reader but that’s not something I tell women or even men. I finish all my books or I just opt for audiobooks.
Abuse or past traumas should be taken care of before starting to date. All that emotional baggage, you can’t just pour them out on someone on the first date.
5. Religion and Political Alignments
These matters if you want something serious with someone or only if you care about them.
I like women who are raised in religious homes, they tend to be good. I also like women with some street in them.
I am not keen on politics, I am very ignorant of what’s going on politically so I wouldn’t care if a woman belongs to some party or not.
However, these topics are not good for a date, they are not helping you know your date deeper unless she is a political scientist or works as a religious leader.
We all know the good dating topics; talk about your date’s childhood, their career, their passions, their ambitions and just explore their mindsets on normal things.
You don’t have to agree on everything she says, challenge some of her thinking here and there but remain on her side still.
Everything you are talking about should be bringing you closer and not the other way. The reason tribe, race, politics, gender politics, and traumas are bad topics is because they are divisive topics.
I like a little bit of controversy because it evokes emotions but not during dates, I stay away from controversial things when talking with women and even some men. Not everyone is open-minded to discuss these things without getting angry. Most people just can’t handle these topics from my experience.
Polite conversations won’t get you anywhere either with your date and so won’t these controversial topics not help you know a woman. You can delve into taboo topics without getting controversial.