People come and go. Friendships end, new alliances are formed. Oaths are made every day and get broken. And yet life still goes on.
Life does not stop because one person has left. People can leave your life in many ways. Sometimes, through a natural catastrophe, such as death, life imprisonment, or a change of country. The worst case, though, is through a fallout or just ghosting.
When you notice someone keeping a distance from you and withdrawing, it is common for many people to become needy and fearful. The fear of abandonment comes at such times, even for adults with an independent and abundant mindset; no one really likes losing someone important to their life.
Well, you don’t have to act needy and become overly possessive at such times. When you notice a friend is keeping distance, don’t resort to becoming a needy wimp fighting to keep someone in your life. In most cases, you are just paranoid, and they are not leaving you as you might think.
A certain group of people, especially those with personality disorders, usually tend to have a fear of abandonment; they are always fearful that people will leave them because of the things they do to people. If you are fucked up and do shitty things to your friends or partners, then maybe you need to be a bit concerned about them leaving. No one with a sense of self-worth wants to be with a nutcase.
On the other hand, if you tend to be needy and possessive and keep on gatekeeping or rather acting obsessive with your friend, it is an annoying trait and they are bound to flee. People want to be free and not feel caged by a needy friend who is clingy.
Either way, if you were to be left, you will just be okay. It will shake you for a moment, but you will regain a sense of self-worth in a matter of weeks or months.
People get laid off, lose loved ones, lose opportunities, and lose important friendships, but they forge on regardless. It is not the end of life. Don’t let your life be centred around an individual or a business or a job, or a service.
Figure this out, we have crazy mothers who give birth to children and give them away or abandon them, or we have fathers who cower and desert their families.
Trust me, those abandoned children or even bastards still grow up and become responsible people in society. There is a case of a woman in our village. One day, as a young married woman living in the city with her husband, she woke up and found an abandoned baby at her doorstep.
Someone had left a child at her doorstep. She took it to the police, but they told her to just keep it, the police didn’t know what to do with a child so this woman kept the baby. It grew up and became a very responsible young woman, quite successful too.
Now I am against abandoning babies and coming back to claim them when they are successful later on in life. This baby’s parents never came back, but she survived.
People abandon pets…
It is an even sadder case because when a homeless pet is left out in the cold to fend for itself, coming from a life of comfort where everything was provided, that pet has no survival skills and will live a dog’s life in the streets. Stray dogs and abandoned cats can only wish someone would pick them up, or, in most cases, they die or end up in homeless shelters.
It is common to find homeless pets in the streets of third-world countries where we don’t have shelters for pets, or the city council is not keen on animal welfare.
Now, in the cases of pets and abandoned babies, the people who left them are callous and just nasty. Those are helpless things that can’t survive by themselves. But for an adult, you can survive.
First of all, before complaining that you were left, I want you to look inside and see if there’s a reason someone left you. If you did something unforgiveable or pushed them away or you were not adding any value to their lives, then you got to take responsibility for that.
If you didn’t do nothing and they still left maybe you’re just paranoid and they didn’t ‘leave you’ as you think, they are just off living their lives. Or in some cases, they actually cut contact or got side-tracked by a major event going on in their lives.
Life does not revolve around you. Crying like a baby all the time that you were left is just pathetic; people have their own lives and challenges to deal with.
You can see an extreme example where a man dies, and the woman claims the man ‘left’ them. For God’s sake, the man died, unless he took his own life, you can’t say he left you.
If someone left inconsiderably without a warning or a heads up, they just woke up one day and ghosted or disappeared, maybe you have a reason to be offended or just dumbfounded. It is sociopathic to just walk away, especially if you had plans with that person or were in a relationship with them.
Did they leave with your money or leave you with debts or compromise you in a major way? If that is the case, keep a mental note, and when they reappear, fight them or don’t let them back in. That is a snake.
There is a difference between a friend whom you haven’t seen for a long time and you were on good terms the last time you spoke, as compared to one who did you dirty or just violated you and disappeared. The latter should be avoided and treated like the enemy he is, while the former is still an ally you can drop a line on anytime.
Pour Conclure
If you notice people are always leaving, it might be because you do something that push them or you are not good in retaining people in your life. It is one thing to make a friend, it is another art to retain them for the long term. It is just like employment; you can attract talent as a company, but you still need to learn to motivate and remunerate them enough to stick with you.
People won’t rock for you for long if you don’t motivate them or make them better or invite them to barbecues and show them a better way of life.
Above all, learn to let go in life so that you can receive new things. Reach out to new possibilities instead of chasing those missed connections.
You can’t move on if you can’t let go.
To long friendships!
Slade.
