It is a very dangerous and yet sensational debate that has been doing the rounds online. Who wins in a one gorilla versus 100 men fight?
This is one of those fantasies that would rather remain in human imagination than be played out in real life because the casualty might be too fatal to experience.
First of all, who are these 100 men? Do they have weapons, and are they well trained in battle and combat? Because this gorilla takes no prisoners when the battle starts. The gorilla has some animal instincts, or rather killer instincts, unlike most modern men whose instincts have been tamed. When nature throws a punch, it doesn’t pull it. Gorillas aren’t cartoon villains; they are musclebound and instinctively lethal.
Do you know how strong a gorilla is? A silverback gorilla is stronger than 20 humans combined and can lift to 815 kg on the bench. And the average noddle-eating man who plays video games for fun and can’t deadlift 130kgs thinks he stands a chance before a silverback.
If a gorilla is that strong and can simply break a man’s leg with one explosive punch, those 100 men are in some serious trouble. Any adult gorilla can lift to 450 kg.
A weight that the average creatine-eating bodybuilder on Instagram can only dream of lifting. That is some serious natural strength. And gorillas are battle hardened, they have to fight for everything: females, food, territory. Their survival is based on how good a fighter you are.
Even if the humans coming for a gorilla are well trained, and they manage to get a better part of the gorilla when he is tired, a majority of them will end up in a wheelchair for the rest of their lives or with prosthetic arms and legs.
A gorilla is a beast. It is a different animal.
The problem with humans is overestimating their abilities. I saw a survey online where 8 percent of men believe they can kill a lion in a fist fight. The survey interviewed 1224 men. 8 percent of that is close to the 100 men who believe they can confront a gorilla.
A Leopard and a Grandpa
Let me not troll the gorilla men theory so much. Here’s a personal story that I have told on this site before, closely related to this gorilla versus men debate.
My great-grandpa, the grandpa to my mum, managed to kill a leopard in a one-on-one battle. I have never gone deep into that story, but let me let you in a bit today on how it happened. It started like the 100 men versus gorilla debate in the village.
There was a very naughty leopard roaming about, eating people’s sheep and goats. When you leave your sheep on the shed or field, you were likely to find it gone, and with time, people got fed up with it. it had eaten enough. It was during the colonial times and institutions like the Kenya wildlife had not been formed so people took such matters in their own hands.
The Maasai men are rumored to be able to kill lions, so what is a leopard to a Luo man? My great-grandpa and his fellow kinsmen gathered courage and, as a team of around 20 men, went to confront this leopard. They had marked his territory and knew where to find him.
The men had machetes and axes and all kinds of weapons, even arrows, but let me tell you, when they came face to face with the leopard, those men wet their pants and took off. The sound of a leopard alone scared them to death, and they backed off. The only person who remained was my great-grandpa, who took courage and jumped on the leopard’s tail, and the battle started. It was punches and scratches, and roaring for hours.
Those other men are still standing from a distance, scared of coming to help while all this is going on. I wish they had joined when my great-grandpa had restrained the leopard; it would have been easier to kill, but they were stiff scared. They left him alone, and he battled this leopard to death. He killed the leopard, but he walked away with a lot of bites and scratches, and he died 2 months later.
That is one fucked story. It is a true story. The man was tough, the man was a legit bad boy.
Before men think of confronting a gorilla, keep that story at the back of your mind. The few courageous men who will stay behind to battle the gorilla because most of them will run away might win, but they will walk back home limping or with serious injuries. They may never live long enough to tell the story.
It is one of those battles you win, but it leaves you scarred for the rest of your life. Don’t try your dumb luck.
A Whole Village Versus a Hippopotamus
Here’s another nature versus human battle I witnessed in my village, not many years ago, there is a river passing through my village. River Nzoia which is full of hippos and crocodiles. Villagers, of course, like farming along the river because the soil is good, and a lot of rice, vegetables, and potatoes are planted around the river shores. And you know that is what hippos like feeding on. The hippos would come out at night to eat those plantations and destroy people’s crops. One day, a hippo doing what it does best got stuck on the clay soil around the river. Clay soil is heavy and wet, especially when it rains. This hippo could not get out.
When the villagers woke up to run their errands, they found a hippo stuck and started making advances towards it. They thought it was a sweet lick, but this hippo was no joke. The hippo’s sound alone scared everyone, and no one was even willing to come close. A hippo’s biting force can break your arms. During the whole day, no one was able to come close and kill this hippo. It finally managed to get away and return to the river. Now, if people were scared of a hippo, what of a gorilla?
One Man versus 20 armed Cattle Rustlers
Let’s look at another personal story I know of: one armed man ambushed by 20 armed Pokot cattle rustlers and bandits who have lived their entire lives with guns and arrows, stealing cattle from neighboring Ugandans and from each other for over 70 years.
My father was an anti-stock theft police officer after leaving the flying squad, where he was a shooter clearing robbers from the streets. When he went to anti-stock theft, it was worse, he was fighting a bunch of illiterates, dangerous cattle rustlers who knew nothing else apart from stealing livestock and fighting each other.
In this particular platoon, he was stationed, he had a very clueless station commander who didn’t have much education and could not lead properly, could not even sense danger and control his men properly. My dad had been around dangerous crimes and had seen it all, he was also pretty educated.
Having been in this particular region, West Pokot, for a while, he never slept on his job nor his gun, and he would warn other junior officers to clean their guns and not go out partying during the holidays, but they didn’t listen.
On a particular Christmas Eve, all the soldiers left the camp to go partying and drinking in a nearby shopping centre. The only two people who remained behind in the camp were my pop and another cop who turned out be have a gun that was not working. He never cleaned his gun as it turned out when the battle started.
A bunch of armed cattle rustlers sensed the camp was left unprotected on Christmas Eve and came with rifles to probably kill anybody left in the camp and burn it down. But what they met was something else they didn’t see coming.
My dad was no joke with guns, as I said he had been around, from traffic to flying squad to now anti-stock theft. What ensued was a battle of a lifetime. When it started going down, his other partner’s gun jumped and could not work, he usually doesn’t clean it so it was one versus 20 other guys equally armed. These 20 guys were armed but not well trained in battle.
If my father were a sucka or a coward, or an ill-trained cop, he would be gone. You won’t be reading this story today since I doubt I would have been a writer. My path would have been different. Oh, my dad later got promoted, actually to higher ranks. I didn’t want to tell that story because I don’t like discussing personal stories here, but it is just to paint a picture of what happens sometimes when things get real in a battle.
The 100 men versus gorilla battle thus ought to remain a sensational tale but not a reality, because when the gorilla comes out puffing its chest, most of the men would run away and leave. Like many people do when shit hits the fan. The remaining men will take losses. I hope it is just a debate and not an actual battle taking place. It’s food for thought.
Nice time ahead!
