I don’t know if it is a thing, it is one of those sexual terminologies that have been popping up in my feeds for the past months and I am yet to wrap my mind around what it means. At first, I ignored it as another modern terminology made up by some religious folks or internet sexologists. However, Slade is no ignoramus, I decided to check it out since I have encountered it one too many times. I googled it, used AI, and even checked out Reddit to find out if sexual discipline is a real thing.
The answer is simple, it is a vague idea. It stems from the idea of ‘punishments’ which I am accustomed to. In dating, I am more familiar with ‘punishments’ such as withdrawing attention from a girl who is not giving you attention or who has refused a compliance request.
Reward and punishment is an important part of dating you can always check out but sexual discipline is unclear. I have never come across any dating coach or instructor teaching it. From my little research, sexual discipline has three main contexts or definitions.
In personal relationships it involves waiting to have sex until knowing a partner better – this is a bad strategy according to me, intimacy is one way of knowing someone better, how will you know if you are sexually incompatible with someone without intimacy? People open up more after intimacy. So take this with a grain of salt.
Religious frameworks – celibacy before marriage, fidelity within marriage. This doesn’t work, dating without intimacy is not possible and even guys who try it find themselves getting married after 6 months of dating just to meet their sexual urges. They are dying of thirst.
BDSM Dynamics – maintaining the consensual power dynamic, with punishments serving to “teach” the submissive partner how to behave within the scene, enhancing the psychological experience. The dominant sets a rule such as ‘a gag for speaking out of turn’…lol.
All these definitions sound interesting to me. I have yet to practice any of these rules despite having been around the block for many moons. I came from a religious home, but I have never bothered about abstinence. I once went on a date with a chic who asked me what I thought about abstinence and ‘Godly dating’ and waiting till marriage. She said we could date for just 6 months and then marry. Of course, I chuckled at such sentiments. That is not possible for a guy like me. When starting relationships, I tend to have sex way faster than most people I know. And in regards to BDSM, I am yet to indulge on it to that level. I don’t enjoy bondage as much; I tend to prefer conventional sex with a bit of a little adventure on the side.
If sexual discipline was used the right way i.e., screening for STDs if you are sexually active or avoiding destructive sexual tendencies such as binge-watching porn or rewarding good behavior, then I would definitely adopt it. As it is now, it is still not clearly defined. And I am not usually a rule-following person, I protest a lot. There are various parts of the law I don’t agree with.
A friend of mine once asked me if I consider myself a disciplined person generally and I told him I don’t know at this point. I used to be pretty disciplined in school according to the reports my parents got from teachers but I still found school systems to be quite repressing and controlling. They killed our instincts. I only followed school rules to avoid suspensions.
The way sexual discipline is currently used might lead to sexual repression which comes from constricting your desires and shaming of sexuality which can lead to sexual dysfunction. It is not used in an appealing way that I would adopt it.
Should you be disciplined with your sexuality? I don’t know what that would entail. If you are to make certain rules such as not engaging in drunk sex, maybe it can help you remain disciplined with your sexuality.
Happy Weekend.
Slade!
