Give her a better name, even if she was bat shit crazy and an unhinged maniac.
This is a simple rule that many men and women forget in dating. When you are on a date or just generally talking about past relationships with lovers, friends, bosses, and clients, those with whom things didn’t work out.
Don’t call them crazy, abusive, silly, or any other derogatory term. Yes, you might have a low opinion of them, but people listen carefully to how you talk about past relationships.
You know that thing they say about labelling…give a dog a bad name and hang him. So, yeah even if your ex was a dog or a bitch, don’t call them that.
If you trash your past associates, they think you might talk about them in the same way in the future if things don’t work out.
When you are on a date, and a gal or a man asks you about your past relationship and how it ended. It is time to reframe your answer to something that is a bit diplomatic.
Instead of saying “she was a toxic woman who was constantly flakey and selfish, couldn’t even help with the dishes”.
Say something better, like, “it just reached a point where our goals were no longer aligned, and I didn’t feel like continuing the affair”, or “it was a personality mismatch, we found out we are not compatible in many ways that it became unhealthy”.
Don’t ever answer the “why you broke up” question with a childish answer like “we didn’t get along” or “she was lazy or always borrowing my money”. Don’t imply something was inherently flawed about your ex, even if it was.
Show some accountability for your past situation. You were also a part of the relationship.
If your Ex was trashy and you continued living with her or him, you are also flawed in that way. Why did you keep staying with a ‘trashy’ guy or woman? Maybe you lack better judgment.
Don’t cry wolf.
All your exes or former friends can’t be bad. Learn better and do better.
I once pointed out in my earlier articles that it is not good to talk about your past lovers on a date, in a way to show that you are a victim or still hung up on them.
It can give the image that you are on a rebound or never really moved on. Don’t live in the past as many people do.
If your ex was bad, meet better people. Don’t talk about past moulds. Leave the past where it belongs.
All you can do about the past is learn from it.
Once you are already in an established relationship with your new lover, you can now open up here and there about your toxic past relationships. However, you still have to do it in the right way.
Speak from a position of strength and not emotionalism. Talk emotions don’t get emotional.
What to do when on a date and someone calls their EX ‘Abusive’.
Hit Eject. Or just note down that ‘Red Flag’.
You don’t need all that trauma dumping right now. Even if abuse might have happened in that person’s life, it might not have happened to the extent they are describing it. Or they might be using it to manipulate you into feeling sorry for them.
Yes, abuse happens. I am not going to deny that. I have been in some toxic environments or seen couples in abusive relationships or Domestic violence.
One thing with abuse is that it is something people avoid talking about, especially with someone they barely know. So, the person too quick to tell you how they were abused might not have been abused as such; they might be using it as a manipulation tool.
Keep in mind that people who are always welcoming abuse into their lives tend to have low self-esteem. A person with a sense of self-worth won’t take shit for too long.
They chose those people they are calling abusive. They had options to date other people, but they chose to stay in a bad situation. Doesn’t that raise an ‘ALARM’? It is a big alarm not worth ignoring.
If abuse happened and the victim moved on, that’s great. They accidentally dated an abusive man or woman and quickly exited the situation before it got worse.
That is what you should do.
So, how do you handle it when a partner or prospect brings up that they were in a bad relationship in the past?
First of all, empathize. Empathy is a strength.
Comfort them from a position of strength. Address their underlying emotions and tell them it is great that they overcame and are now doing better.
Recognize their ability to have a strong will and move on from a bad situation. Most people tend to stay in a bad situation longer than necessary or in a bad relationship for longer than needed.
Above all, if someone’s ex was a felon or a criminal, run. Just hit eject. I won’t advise you to date someone who has dated criminals, psychopaths, or batshit crazy guys and was just comfortable with it.
It is some serious baggage you don’t want to deal with. There is a type of baggage you can handle, but too much of it will be draining.
Yes, a woman or a man can be slightly damaged, but with the right partner, they find themselves again, reconstruct their self worth and image and become optimistic and continue winning at life.
However, if that woman or man has dated criminals and even tattooed the ex’s name on the sleeves, then run. She or he is broken beyond repair.
Pour Conclure
We all have crazy friends or exes, but in most cases, we don’t talk about them or even bring them around our family or people we respect. We are even ashamed to have known them.
The person so confidently talking about their crazy ex doesn’t know they are shooting themselves in the foot. They are guilty by association.
So, no matter what, don’t talk about your crazy Ex, talk about something else. Unless they were giving you crazy sex, sure, you can tell us about that.
Onwards and Upwards,
Slade
