Sometimes gals can object to a date plan with things along the line of “that is not what we agreed upon” or “it is a first date and we can’t do that” or “it doesn’t work like that”. This happens a lot when you don’t clearly state what kind of date you will have with her or you took her contact stating that you shall reach out for a specific thing and then did a complete switcheroo and try to get her doing something else.
Women and men have different motivations and ideas of what a date entails and thus their plans tend to clash a lot. She might want to go for a dance, and you might want a coffee or a hot chocolate at a deli near your place. Maybe you are terrible at salsa dance or Bachata so you don’t want to dance yet since seduction itself is a dance either way.
When a woman objects to a date idea, sometimes it is before the date happens, or sometimes it is when she is already at a place with you on that date she is saying she is not okay with. If she is already with you at that café taking an ice cream or drinking hot tea. And she keeps saying that is not her idea of a great date or that you could instead take her somewhere else for a proper date, just ignore whatever she is saying, and continue having a good time with her if she is having a great time.
That is what I want to talk about because that is what I get a lot. Girls telling me or guys I know that their idea of a date is not what I am having with them and then would rather be doing something better like going to a concert or a rally.
In such a scenario, all you can say is that it is not a big deal and you don’t like making a big production out of something as simple as a date. You can go on and tell her how you think people make a big deal out of dating and that is what complicates it most of the time. Come across like a simple laid back guy who prefers easygoing meetings. However, don’t just leave it there, she raised an objection and you ought to address it fully by stating that you can try her idea next time.
If her idea sounds cool, something like inviting you over for a cookout at her place, a wine-tasting event or a favorite restaurant she likes going to. If she wants to show you something new and different, you can always consider it. Don’t be so uptight about accepting her suggestion.
On the other hand, if she says “This is not what we agreed on”, with a small and a warm tone, then that is simple. Plans always change, wildcards always pop up and you can’t anticipate everything. Please don’t overexplain yourself. Psychology is weird, some times it doesn’t even matter what you agreed upon with someone, as long as they are there and you are having a date, that is all that matters. However, if she is clearly not comfortable with what you are doing, then you can suggest a seemingly better idea, let’s say go for a bite or cocktails. It will cheer her up a bit. Don’t force a frame that makes someone later regret their meetup with you.

If you had agreed to grab a pizza sometime and now you are taking a milkshake and watching traffic move slowly outside and you are both having a good time, that is just life. If you had agreed to go for a movie or a candle-lit dinner and now she is at your place watching CNN news and drinking water, that is still a vibe. The only thing that matters is that she is together with you and you showed up and saw the date through as you promised. You didn’t flake and she didn’t flake.
If you are already engaging in intimacy too soon and she feels like that is not how things should work if people want to date, then just let her know that sometimes it happens so fast and sometimes it takes a long time, situations are different so if you were both ready for it the moment you locked eyes, then it can just happen.
If it doesn’t work like that, how does it work then?
Women say a lot of things. And men say a lot of things that they don’t mean, they are just hypothetically speaking most of the time. A man can say he doesn’t like drinking on dates and prefers being sober but he does it if he is with the right gal who makes him feel it is okay to drink a bit. A gal can say she doesn’t rush into intimacy on a first date or she doesn’t share dicks or she doesn’t want to share a man or she doesn’t do coffee or tea as a date, but she can do it if the situation calls for it. People are flexible and can make exceptions when they like someone. There are exceptions to every dating rule a man or a woman has.
The world works strangely and not how we think it should work.
People have opinions of how things are supposed to work in different situations and with a complicated activity such as dating and courtship, everyone has at least biased opinions of how things are supposed to work. The world should be like this or the society should work like this is a common statement. When things turn out unexpected, all you can say is that shit happens sometimes in ways we don’t think they should happen.
So when that cute gal tells you “it doesn’t happen like that or it doesn’t work like that”, when you suggest something or are already doing something, I guess all you can say is ooops! It has already happened or you can play with her a bit, ask her how it works instead. Ask her how she likes being seduced.
Break a leg.
Slade.