Raw genetic beauty is inborn but sexiness is a different animal you can learn to be. I once wrote in an article where I was talking about a liking I have for pets, especially dogs with cute-ugly look. Those dogs that have ugly faces but look so adorable. Later on, I read a newsletter by a dating coach who noted that a man can be ugly but sexy and so can a woman look alluring or give you sexual desire despite lacking the conventional beauty standards.
So what does this mean? This means there is hope for the not-so-good-looking or genetically gifted lot. You can make yourself sexier and edgier. I am sure you’ve seen guys who look rough like the back of an oak tree but are enticing and exciting enough. When I talk to girls about what they like in a man, I get certain answers that confirm this desire for imperfection.
Girls would say here and there that “I don’t want a handsome guy, I want a gorilla-like-looking man”. Some girls will also say ugly-looking men are more masculine. I am a man and like many good men out there, I can’t tell what a handsome or hot guy looks like. I can suspect a man looks good but I can’t be sure. Sometimes I would be hanging out with a guy or talking to a guy and some chic I know sees me talking to him. Later on, the gal would ask me to tell her about the “hot” guy I was with. That is when I would be shocked that the guy I was hanging out with was considered hot by women.
I would actually have to look at the guy keenly next time I am with him to confirm it or see what is considered handsome by women in the streets. However, before someone mentions it to me, I am usually lost on what a good-looking man looks like. I guess that makes me a very straight man.
Telling what is attractive in a man is hard for me as a man but for women, I am good at telling. I have never been into beautiful women, I am more into sexy women. And a woman might not look traditionally beautiful but very sexy with a high sex appeal. As a man, I am very good-looking or so I think considering the number of women and MEN who have hit on me since I was a baby. Even old women were hitting on me when I was a little boy, you might say I am bragging but that’s the feedback I have gotten all my life. I unknowingly break people’s hearts. Considering that I have not always been socially attuned to advances from the opposite sex or people generally. It is with age that I started noticing the small subtle cues of interest that women would give me.
Back to the topic, how do you raise your sexiness levels if you are not legitimately handsome or beautiful?
There is an old quote that says “there are no ugly women, only lazy ones”. Same with men.
Well, sexiness is developed. A sexy woman walks nicely, cat walking or swinging her hips, flips her hair, and steals glances your way to signal her interest in having a thing for you. She also dresses well and shows some skin. She is skinny and not overweight.
You can’t be overweight and sexy, this cuts across for both men and women. It is hard to pull off sexiness with some weight. Barry white might be considered a sex symbol despite being overweight. That is an unlikely combination. Notorious BIG looked fly despite his weight. However, compare Biggie to Tupac who was in shape and it is clear whom the ladies were fucking. Pac is considered the only sex symbol hip-hop has ever had.
A man should be Ugly
Pretty boys like DiCaprio are not considered masculine. Tuco from the good, bad, and ugly, or even Mel Gibson looks more rugged and manlier than DiCaprio. If you are a pretty boy or a feminine man you will need to get edgier and aggressive to be convincing.
A man’s looks are somehow irrelevant in dating because what is considered attractive in men is not necessarily genetics. Good genes can help, if you are 6’3 and athletic with a nice jawline, you are almost there. However, what of a guy like Pac who was short and genetically skinny judging from his photos as a teenager but his talent, muscles that he gained, money, fame, and purpose somehow boosted his appeal? This is the case with many rappers. Rappers tend to be ugly yet sexy.
I don’t like writing about men’s looks. I feel a bit weird considering that I am a man. I like women’s physique and fashion sense because they are very good at dressing up and raising their levels of appeal as opposed to men. Trust me when I say that even an average woman can make you think she is a 10 with her get-up. Unless you pay close attention, you won’t notice her shortcomings. We all have flaws in our physiques though. Don’t be the flaw-finding man, it is not sexy. Let me list some flaws that make you edgier and sexier.
Stretch marks
Scars on a man’s body or face
A mole or freckles on the face
Pink lips
Dumbness in a very good-looking person
A strong man who is depressed or broke
You might think these things are bad but think of Jason Mamoa without the scar on his face, that scar makes him look more dangerous and alluring. Or think of Derrick Jeter as a plumber and not the celebrity baseball star he is.
Embrace your flaws or some ugliness and you can be a bit sexier. If you are short, work on your voice and eye contact, get a sexy hairstyle, and wear some nice clothes. Those small tweaks will make a major difference in your overall appearance in ways you can never imagine.
I am a naturally good-looking guy who never made an effort to dress better and I didn’t have a problem with meeting women even with bad fashion. But the moment I started getting cool hairstyles, fitting clothes, hitting the gym, and working on my confidence, my ratings went to the rooftop.
Which stresses the point that sexiness is beyond looks. It is in the way you communicate, your voice tone, the resonance in your voice. Even a lady with a sexy voice can easily get your attention. I have a female friend with a really sexy voice, whenever I give people her number to contact her for certain businesses, they usually come back to me to tell me how sweet she sounds. This is feedback people give me even before meeting her. You can also work on your voice to have a good effect, that’s a single fundamental that enhances sex appeal exponentially, now imagine if you work on all the others if a sexy walk or voice is enough to arouse desire in the opposite sex.
It is easy to achieve sexiness when you start with the basics, smile more, check your posture when sitting, learn to have better eye contact and just work on your fashion, and wear sexier clothes if you want to be sexy. And with time, each day at a time, working on a single item in the list you will find yourself being complimented on your sexiness. Because if you have never been complimented on being sexy, you are not it yet.
Keep in mind that sexiness is polarizing and when you achieve it, not everyone will appreciate it, some people don’t like it and are put off by it, while others appreciate it a great deal and will want some of it. All in all, it is an important factor in dating, people will want to shag you if you are sexy and that’s a good thing.
Nice time ahead!
