Men lie, women lie. Governments lies, BigCorp lies, Cultures Lie, and Religion Lies.
Everything and everyone lies at one point or another. And thus people feel like they have to cheat their way into relationships. Or cheat in relationships.
Cheating and Lying are among the surest ways to break trust in a relationship. Once trust is gone, a relationship is as good as dead.
Many people in their quest for a boyfriend or girlfriend feel like they have to lie a little to impress. It is a common theme in the African dating scene that an honest man will never marry.
It might seem that our women don’t respond well to honesty. Tell a woman you are broke or unemployed or not well educated or something that makes you look like a deadbeat and she is off.
However, honesty is still the best policy with friends, girlfriends, and anybody with whom you want to have a great relationship.
Most men are poor at presenting themselves or framing their flaws in attractive ways when women probe. And that’s where the lies come in.
A woman can ask a man a simple question.
Woman; so you are married with kids, why are you trying to be with me?
Man; I am on the verge of divorce, I made a mistake getting married.
Or man; Actually I am not married (and yet he is married)
Not good responses at all.
He is lying to get a girlfriend. What makes you think that if you tell a woman you are married or have a serious girlfriend and you still want to see her on the side she will refuse?
Women lie too. They posture a lot. Even if they don’t view it as lying it is a lie. A lie by omission is still a lie.
I have had women tell me they are pilots, IT experts, and exaggerate parts of their lives to seem more impressive than they are. Only for me to discover later that they are just regular people trying to be something they are not.
Although women will lie if they feel like the quality you are screening them for is important to you. A woman can pretend to be ambitious if they think you value ambition in a woman and they are scared of losing you.
You can argue that someone faking their profile or even lifestyle to snag a mate is lying and not flirting and thus we can give them a pass.
Well, the mating is dance is not logical and people sometimes say things because they are in a good mood and don’t want to spoil the vibe but you need to differentiate between flirting and lying.
I am a terrible liar. I need to do a better job at lying. And for a long time, I could not even tell if someone was lying to me or flirting with me. I had a bad habit of being too trustworthy because I came from a background of honesty.
If a woman or a man was to tell me something and they didn’t use the right tone I would take it as a matter-of-fact basis and not even try to analyze the undertone.
So what’s the difference between lying and flirting?
If a gal or a man you are dating lies about their marital status, it is a lie.
If a partner covers their tracks and movements while you are dating them, it is a lie.
If a partner cheats it is a lie.
A lie is just a lie, if you ask something in a serious voice and you need the answer to make an important decision and you are given a wrong answer, it makes it a lie.
If you promise something you know you can’t deliver. It is a lie.
Now that is different from flirting when you are trying to get together with a woman, you can even tell her things like;
I am gay as hell
I am broke like a church mouse
I am not very educated
let’s go to my place I show you a plant
and she will eat it all up. Only later on when she gets to know you will she be shocked that you are none of those things.
If you say those things to a gal when the mood is light and you are all making merry, and having lots of fun, she will ease into them. And won’t think much about it later on.
A man who pretends he is broke even though he has money is not lying. He is screening out the crazies.
There are those good people who hide information about themselves that they don’t want to talk about. They are not liars as such.
Don’t be so quick to call people liars. And most people who like calling other people liars are the biggest liars themselves. They are projecting themselves on other people.
There are those careers known for lying like politicians or cheating like the CIA or even nurses. Even in these careers, there are a few honest people. So even if a man or woman works in these fields, don’t be quick to call them dishonest.
There is nothing like too real. Everyone lies at some point and in fact, they say only a fool is honest a hundred percent. Or maybe an autist.
There are white lies you tell people to avoid hurting their feelings. And there are things you would rather not let get out there.
Not many people lie and if you are good at screening out the pathological lairs, you will be safe. Many people, I would say 70 percent of the people out there are rather honest and will give you a clear picture of whom they are if you probe.
Don’t be gullible and easily believe people while at the same time, don’t think you are being lied to, maybe you are the one with the wrong information or a flawed mindset of people and the world. Or the information you have is not complete.
Are there aspects about you that you don’t like and don’t know how to frame? Find the right framing for those instead of lying. It is cowardly to lie about things about yourself.
If a woman or a man asks you about your income, education, or even body weight. Something you are sensitive about. Find a way to answer them without being too crass about it or lying about it.
Man; so how much do you make in a month?
Woman; enough to afford an appletini and a brunch once a month, and pay rent and maybe save for the rainy days.
Woman; so why are you single if you are well traveled, and you have a good education and makes a shit load of money, is there something in the closet?
Man; lol, are you trying to move in with me and we just met? Anyway, I am just from a serious relationship and not looking for anything serious at the moment.
If you don’t want to answer directly, you can put it like that and then change the topic. Nobody needs to know details about you such as your family, kids, income, assets, and even friends. It is none of their business.
If you are a woman or a man looking for a mate, don’t ever feel like you have to lie or cheat your way into friendships. A friendship founded on deceit doesn’t last long.
You can’t cheat an honest man. An honest man or a modest woman doesn’t really care about your fake titles and qualities. They are very realistic about their expectations and can handle whatever you come in with.
A modest woman doesn’t need you to be a millionaire to date her. An honest man who is coming to you in good faith is not expecting you to be some angel or a heiress to a dynasty to date you. he just wants a woman so stop fronting.
Honesty is still the best policy. Should you lie to get a mate and they later discover it, now you are exposed and your partner will lose all trust they have for you. or you will have to make other lies to cover up for those lies you already told.
When you tell a lie, you might need to keep a mental note of it because the person you lied to might ask you the same thing later on. It is thus very difficult to keep a lie.
I know the dating world can be cruel and competitive and, in an attempt to get a partner and beat competition, you can talk up your qualities to look better than you are. It is okay to be a good salesman but don’t be something you are not.
Bad boys get women because they are good salesmen but they are not lairs as such. They are still real and do not hide their vulnerabilities.
Present yourself in the best light, and put on your A-game like you should. Everyone has parts of themselves they wish were better but don’t lie.
To a better life with no lies.
