This is one of those million-dollar questions in dating. Anything that involves payment, passion, and love is usually a sensitive matter that ought to be approached carefully. If love doesn’t cost a thing or money can’t buy love, why would we pay for a partner? The bride price is practically paying for a wife. There’s no free wife or even Wi-Fi.
First, why is a hefty bride price only an African thing? Which other culture pays the bride price? The Indians pay for the bride price but it is for the groom, not the bride. It is the groom’s price. And the Indians are very honest in how they do it. If the groom is a graduate of engineering or technology or mathematics and will rake in loads of cash in the future or is currently making bank, then the bride’s family better prepare a hefty sum or a valuable piece of property. In Africa it is the opposite, it is the men’s side who give a bride price to the woman’s side.
The question remains unanswered at this point. Must a man pay for this bride price or you can take the woman away like that.
This is not easy to address because several factors are involved. Whether you should pay or not depends on very many variables we have to look at keenly.
How valuable is this woman? What are her fundamentals and which values and virtues are she coming with?
How does the woman’s family value her? How much have they put in her education?
How rich and able are you as a man to pay for the price the family is asking for?
These are just a few harmless-sounding questions that are not easy to answer because value is very subjective and people weigh each other so differently you won’t even be able to put a proper price on the bride price.
The African economy is weak and families have turned to such unions like marriages and weddings to benefit from the groom financially. I have seen all kinds of crazy requests from the bride’s side during marriages. Let me give you an example of a close relative of mine who went to marry back in the early ’90s.
He was educated and well-loaded and the bride’s family knew that. When he asked for the bride’s hand in marriage, the bride’s family asked him to complete the construction of a rental property they had started building and couldn’t finish, they had barely built the first floor.
That is a very transactional demand that I wouldn’t pay for even if I had the money. It is clear that the bride’s family wanted to gain financially from him. He actually did exactly that. I am sure you are wondering if they lived happily thereafter. Yes they did but some crazy things happened later on that I won’t even go into at the moment. The woman gave him bright kids though so maybe it is a win-win.
My parents’ bride price was very cheap, I think my dad gave like two cows and that was it. My parents didn’t even wed until way later on when we were in our late 20s, that’s when I overheard from people that they wedded. It was not even important because I wasn’t even aware of that wedding.
I came across a video of Ugandan President Museveni saying he didn’t pay for a bride price because he didn’t have it at the time he got married. He also said the wife’s family didn’t ask for a bride price so it was just fine. He also wondered why the woman’s family couldn’t pay a groom’s price to his family because he is clearly the high-value partner in the relationship. That was one funny clip because it inspired this post. However, thinking of Museveni’s situation, I am sure he has done more for his wife’s family since he is the president of the country and has been in leadership for almost 30 years. The bride’s family was smart to not bother him with a bride price. Why settle for a few cows when you can benefit from the man’s success in the next 30 or 50 years?
I have seen men pay for hefty bride prices and in some cases, men pay for nothing but goodwill, and in all those cases the marriage still survives. It is like a wedding, you can have a very humongous wedding that attracts thousands of visitors or you can just go to the registrar of marriages and get it done asap. It doesn’t matter baby.
I have watched American movies and during marriages, there is no bride price. I talk to French men and men from Europe and they don’t mention the bride price anywhere. It is not in their culture. It is more of an African and Indian thing to pay for a bride price.
Even in Africa, if you don’t have enough resources while getting married, you don’t have to pay for a bride price. Nobody is putting a gun to your head forcing you to pay a bride price. Most of our city gals can’t even get a husband or a young man willing to even shack up with them so if you offer to take them off the market, they won’t bother about this bride price thing.
A friend of mine married back in 2016 and he didn’t have a lot going on at that time. He just had an associate-level IT job so he couldn’t afford a decent bride price. He went on to have two kids with the lady and later on, things opened up for him. When his finances got in shape, around 7 years later into marriage, he went to pay for the bride. If you ask me, I will say that is a very good family because they didn’t push for a price that is not there. They took what they were given and blessed their daughter’s marriage. And it all comes back to them in ten folds. The man eventually did it right.
I want you to be very careful with families that insist on crazy things and push for crazy bride prices when you are just starting a family. It is a red flag, they might give you a hard time in your marriage with their daughter. They are out for a payday and don’t have your best interest at heart.
A marriage is a communion between two people and the people involved should decide how they want it to go. As a young gal looking for a man to settle with, don’t allow your uncles and parents to harass your suitors with crazy demands, and as a young man looking for a woman to tie the knot with, don’t be pushed into compromising situations and succumb to these demands.
The young gals on social media who talks of their bride price being in hundreds of millions are destined for singlehood, I hope they are just joking or it is just an opening bid they are talking about. No young man or even old man is going to pay for that. I am not married yet but I think I will go the attorney general chambers way. My love language is not in gifts.
Happy times!
Slade
